Social Virtualism

Recently Chris wrote a great entry on what he dubbed Social Virtualization, or the idea that you can follow your friends on Twitter and Facebook in such a way that you never need to actually “catch up” with them, but instead you can know intimately about their lives based on the information you’re given (for example, learning about a friend’s upcoming wedding on Facebook – no need to actually call a person to inform them of your engagement!). It means you’re constantly connected with the people around you long after your relationship with them has faded, and similarly, you are connected to people long before you forge a friendship with them.

Chris mentioned social virtualism as a constant connection thing and the dangers of being unable to disconnect and how that is detrimental to a lot of relationships. You forget to check your friend’s twitter update? They might get pissed at you. If you disconnect for a minute people actually get offended by the fact that you haven’t been following their status updates. One example he gave was texting – texting is considered to be an “immediate” form of communication, but texting is actually silent and easy to miss. Many people turn their phone ringers on but turn a texting ringer off – if your phone is in your bag and you have it set to vibrate (or nothing at all), you will miss the text until the next time you check your phone. But many people get offended if you do not answer their texts immediately.

I’d like to talk about the flip-side, though. More communication does NOT mean more friendships. Honestly, it can mean less. We spend so long in our Internet world, forging “friendships” with people we would never want to meet in real life or hang out with or have a phone call with. Stephanie and I met online and quickly became fast friends but we have visited each other twice, despite the fact that we live across the country from each other. But I’ve noticed that these are rare, and more often do people spend their time hanging on to high-school acquaintances, cultivating their 4000 Facebook “friends”, and generally avoiding actually spending quality time with people.

I’m an advocate of turning off the computer and going outside – a huge advocate. I work as a designer/web developer – I sit and stare at a screen allllllllll day. When I get home I want to do nothing more than turn off the computer and play with my cats, paint a picture, or go for a walk with Chris. I don’t want to post on message boards, follow Twitter religiously, and check my email every five minutes. These aren’t fun to me, and I understand they’re fun for other people, but you have to realize something.

There are people out there like me, Stephanie, and Chris who are interested in people like you. We want to hang out with you, have coffee and lunch or go to the park. Unfortunately, I really can’t beat the appeal of “networking” on the “Internet.” I can’t beat World of Warcraft and Farmville and chatting online. I’m interesting but people are far more likely and willing to sit on their butts all day because it’s “fun.”

As little as 10 years ago, we met people through our community. I think those days are long gone, replaced by social virtualization, the act of thinking you have friends when really they’re all just virtual. It’s no wonder we have fewer friends now than we did 25 years ago. Not including family or Chris, I have four people that I can go to for anything I need – three friends from school and Stephanie, but many Americans have NONE. Am I the only one who thinks this is sad?

I think this is just one part of the problem why we have no friends. I will touch on the next part in my next post. It involves trust.

How do you feel about this? Why do you think we have less friends? What do you think communities will look like 10 years from now?

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