Social Virtualism: Fear
Posted by Becky on 23rd Dec in Social.
Ack, been awhile. I mentioned in my last post about how we are too lazy to seek out new friends. Now I’m going to talk about another component in the picture: fear.
Turn on any news program in the US, UK, or Australia, and chances are you’ll see stories of The White Girl Getting Kidnapped, dangers of sexual predators, toxins in your every day food! Swine Flu! Russians have nukes! Anthrax! THE WAR ON IRAQ! MURDERERS! SERIAL KILLERS! TEACHERS MOLESTING YOUR CHILDREN! RAZOR BLADES IN HALLOWEEN CANDY! THERE ARE NO JOBS! THE ECONOMY! HEALTH CARE REFORM! IT’S COLD OUTSIDE!
It’s no wonder that if you talk to any parent, she will clutch her child protectively and say something to the effect of, “You can trust anybody today.”
I have gone over to friend’s houses who have refused to open their blinds even during broad daylight because “you never know who might be looking in.” I have met parents who refuse to let their children go outside by themselves for fear of kidnapping. Every single new scare that comes in strikes panic in the hearts of us. Every single new person that moves into the neighborhood is probably a drug dealer or a rapist. It doesn’t help that the news is encouraging this as well as books like The Lovely Bones (which is being made into a movie so it can be even more accessible to freak people out) where the killer was the nice neighborly guy next door!
Guess what? I think we secretly like scaring ourselves. I think we like thinking that everyone out there is out to get us because we like the thrill of pretending we’re in an action movie.
But as it turns out, your neighborhood is probably more normal than you think it is. Sure, bad things happen every day but these events are much rarer than real risks and dangers you put yourself in every day, like driving a car. You’re more likely to get into a car accident than have your creepy next door neighbor steal your kid. But no one is afraid to get inside of their cars.
I guess what I’m saying is we can’t foster a community until we stop thinking that everybody on our block is out to get us. We can’t keep believing that our neighbors are “creepy” and “probably drug dealers.” Once we do, suddenly the world becomes a much more pleasant place – our neighbors are friendly and reliable to feed our cats and water our plants while we’re away, the grocery store clerk becomes someone to chat with, and your kids can roam the neighborhood without being kidnapped.
The way I see it, it’s a circle. We fear our neighbors and so we never talk to them. They remain a mystery and we’re always scared of the unknown, so we are afraid of them even more and on and on it goes. And guess what? Your neighbors are probably suspicious of you too. There’s no way to end this until someone finally waves across the yard or has a block party to get to know everyone.
And it’s hard. I don’t know my neighbors very well. I make the excuse, oh, I’m moving in 6 months so what’s the point? But I realized as I left for my parents’ house for Christmas (20 minutes away from where I live with Chris) that it would have been nice to ask my next door neighbor to feed the cats every day. Instead, I have to go back every few days to check on them/clean their boxes/fill up their food. Maybe I’ll have a block party – put an invitation on everyone’s door and invite them over (along with their friends!). Even though I’m planning on only being here for six months longer, it will be nice to meet some people in the block.
What about you? Are you suspicious of your neighbors? Do you know your neighbors? Do your parents know theirs? Let me know your thoughts!
Giveaway next time, so check back soon!
6 Responses to “Social Virtualism: Fear”
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I don’t know my neighbours at all. I live in an apartment complex, so that’s to be expected. I do know a few people who live in the other buildings, but we still don’t interact and yadadada.
I’m not suspicious of them, no, but 99% of them are Korean people, so they leave the foreigners alone, and I leave them alone. It’s just easier that way.
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I gotta disagree with some of what you said, mainly the part about everyone subconsciously wanting to believe they’re a part of an action movie. While I do believe many people thrive off of created drama and fear, I think most people legitimately fear for their kids and family’s safety. It is hard to turn on the news and hear of a four year old getting murdered and not think, “Holy shit, she was picked up right off her front lawn. This seriously could happen to anyone.”
I do agree that this fear stops us from making what could be strong friendships. If anything, our fear should motivate us to have block parties and socialize with our neighbors, because getting to know who you live near and learn what they are like is a much safer practice than hiding away and ignoring the world. Fear should bring good people together for comfort, knowledge and reassurance. It shouldn’t pull us apart.
Another great post, I have a bunch of thoughts going on, I’ll have to blog about this topic. Oh, and Merry Christmas!
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First of all, I DON’T watch the news because there is so much disturbing stuff on it. I don’t need to watch TV to get my news, I get it online or off a news paper if I’m near a good one.
Second of all, stuff like The Lovely Bones is FICTION. And I agree that we like scaring ourselves with it.
I live in a co-op at school, and I don’t know any of the people outside my house on my block. However, my parents are friendly with their neighbors – in fact they held a neighborhood party at our house last weekend, and people we’d never MET before came, which was cool.
It’s not going to get us anywhere to FEAR EVERYONE. -
I totally agree. My parents think that around every corner there is someone ready to pounce on you and there is a pedophile that lives in every other house with an axe murderer in their basements. Y’know? I guess that’s what we get for only paying attention to all the bad news. What happened to the good news. You never turn on the news to see the statistics about the areas where crime rates went down or about the people who did good things for our society. Nope. Only the poor little 5 year old who was lost in the woods for 3 days with nobody to care for her, was molested, and then had her head decapitated. Seriously.
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Wow, very interesting idea.
I have to admit, I don’t understand fully what you are saying, as I have always lived in a small country town where everyone knows everybody else.. which eliminates the whole ’stranger’ concept for me!
However, when I’m in the city or somewhere foreign, I can completely understand where you are coming from! I am scared of strangers and very wary of who is around me.
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I wonder if perhaps this viewpoint could change under different circumstances. One very important thing to remember is that for us as college-aged transients, permanence and “belonging” are concepts that we may not experience until much later in our lives. It’s easy for us to feel the way that we do, since we’re in a community in which a fair percentage of its inhabitants are just as transient as we are – this feeling of suspicion is paralleled by many people in France who distrust Gypsies for their nomadic living behaviors.
I really agree with the main argument. News doesn’t sell unless it’s shocking, and since news corporations are no more a public service than Starbucks, it’s pretty plain that everything we see and hear needs to be something that will distract us from the grind of daily life. I would write more, but I gotta go!
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