Posted by Becky on 23rd Dec in Social.
Ack, been awhile. I mentioned in my last post about how we are too lazy to seek out new friends. Now I’m going to talk about another component in the picture: fear.
Turn on any news program in the US, UK, or Australia, and chances are you’ll see stories of The White Girl Getting Kidnapped, dangers of sexual predators, toxins in your every day food! Swine Flu! Russians have nukes! Anthrax! THE WAR ON IRAQ! MURDERERS! SERIAL KILLERS! TEACHERS MOLESTING YOUR CHILDREN! RAZOR BLADES IN HALLOWEEN CANDY! THERE ARE NO JOBS! THE ECONOMY! HEALTH CARE REFORM! IT’S COLD OUTSIDE!
It’s no wonder that if you talk to any parent, she will clutch her child protectively and say something to the effect of, “You can trust anybody today.”
I have gone over to friend’s houses who have refused to open their blinds even during broad daylight because “you never know who might be looking in.” I have met parents who refuse to let their children go outside by themselves for fear of kidnapping. Every single new scare that comes in strikes panic in the hearts of us. Every single new person that moves into the neighborhood is probably a drug dealer or a rapist. It doesn’t help that the news is encouraging this as well as books like The Lovely Bones (which is being made into a movie so it can be even more accessible to freak people out) where the killer was the nice neighborly guy next door!
Guess what? I think we secretly like scaring ourselves. I think we like thinking that everyone out there is out to get us because we like the thrill of pretending we’re in an action movie.
But as it turns out, your neighborhood is probably more normal than you think it is. Sure, bad things happen every day but these events are much rarer than real risks and dangers you put yourself in every day, like driving a car. You’re more likely to get into a car accident than have your creepy next door neighbor steal your kid. But no one is afraid to get inside of their cars.
I guess what I’m saying is we can’t foster a community until we stop thinking that everybody on our block is out to get us. We can’t keep believing that our neighbors are “creepy” and “probably drug dealers.” Once we do, suddenly the world becomes a much more pleasant place – our neighbors are friendly and reliable to feed our cats and water our plants while we’re away, the grocery store clerk becomes someone to chat with, and your kids can roam the neighborhood without being kidnapped.
The way I see it, it’s a circle. We fear our neighbors and so we never talk to them. They remain a mystery and we’re always scared of the unknown, so we are afraid of them even more and on and on it goes. And guess what? Your neighbors are probably suspicious of you too. There’s no way to end this until someone finally waves across the yard or has a block party to get to know everyone.
And it’s hard. I don’t know my neighbors very well. I make the excuse, oh, I’m moving in 6 months so what’s the point? But I realized as I left for my parents’ house for Christmas (20 minutes away from where I live with Chris) that it would have been nice to ask my next door neighbor to feed the cats every day. Instead, I have to go back every few days to check on them/clean their boxes/fill up their food. Maybe I’ll have a block party – put an invitation on everyone’s door and invite them over (along with their friends!). Even though I’m planning on only being here for six months longer, it will be nice to meet some people in the block.
What about you? Are you suspicious of your neighbors? Do you know your neighbors? Do your parents know theirs? Let me know your thoughts!
Giveaway next time, so check back soon!
Posted by Becky on 15th Dec in Environment. Tags: community, friends, Internet
Recently Chris wrote a great entry on what he dubbed Social Virtualization, or the idea that you can follow your friends on Twitter and Facebook in such a way that you never need to actually “catch up” with them, but instead you can know intimately about their lives based on the information you’re given (for example, learning about a friend’s upcoming wedding on Facebook – no need to actually call a person to inform them of your engagement!). It means you’re constantly connected with the people around you long after your relationship with them has faded, and similarly, you are connected to people long before you forge a friendship with them.
Chris mentioned social virtualism as a constant connection thing and the dangers of being unable to disconnect and how that is detrimental to a lot of relationships. You forget to check your friend’s twitter update? They might get pissed at you. If you disconnect for a minute people actually get offended by the fact that you haven’t been following their status updates. One example he gave was texting – texting is considered to be an “immediate” form of communication, but texting is actually silent and easy to miss. Many people turn their phone ringers on but turn a texting ringer off – if your phone is in your bag and you have it set to vibrate (or nothing at all), you will miss the text until the next time you check your phone. But many people get offended if you do not answer their texts immediately.
I’d like to talk about the flip-side, though. More communication does NOT mean more friendships. Honestly, it can mean less. We spend so long in our Internet world, forging “friendships” with people we would never want to meet in real life or hang out with or have a phone call with. Stephanie and I met online and quickly became fast friends but we have visited each other twice, despite the fact that we live across the country from each other. But I’ve noticed that these are rare, and more often do people spend their time hanging on to high-school acquaintances, cultivating their 4000 Facebook “friends”, and generally avoiding actually spending quality time with people.
I’m an advocate of turning off the computer and going outside – a huge advocate. I work as a designer/web developer – I sit and stare at a screen allllllllll day. When I get home I want to do nothing more than turn off the computer and play with my cats, paint a picture, or go for a walk with Chris. I don’t want to post on message boards, follow Twitter religiously, and check my email every five minutes. These aren’t fun to me, and I understand they’re fun for other people, but you have to realize something.
There are people out there like me, Stephanie, and Chris who are interested in people like you. We want to hang out with you, have coffee and lunch or go to the park. Unfortunately, I really can’t beat the appeal of “networking” on the “Internet.” I can’t beat World of Warcraft and Farmville and chatting online. I’m interesting but people are far more likely and willing to sit on their butts all day because it’s “fun.”
As little as 10 years ago, we met people through our community. I think those days are long gone, replaced by social virtualization, the act of thinking you have friends when really they’re all just virtual. It’s no wonder we have fewer friends now than we did 25 years ago. Not including family or Chris, I have four people that I can go to for anything I need – three friends from school and Stephanie, but many Americans have NONE. Am I the only one who thinks this is sad?
I think this is just one part of the problem why we have no friends. I will touch on the next part in my next post. It involves trust. 
How do you feel about this? Why do you think we have less friends? What do you think communities will look like 10 years from now?
Posted by Becky on 10th Dec in Environment. Tags: cozy, winter
It’s been getting chilly here in Texas – it snowed last Friday all over the state. Texas tends to be warmer on average than most other states in the US, but when it gets cold here, it’s just as cold as many other places. It’s been in the 30s lately (and it’s been hovering around 0F where Stephanie is in Minnesota!) and the chilly weather is definitely appropriate for wrapping up and getting cozy, especially with all the rain (and snow, I suppose) that’s been falling. I bike to work 3 miles there and back and the weather has been so chilly and wet that I have been craving some warmth lately.
Here is a list of ways to stay cozy!
- 1. A super cozy winter throw – I’ve been wrapped up in blankets all winter for things like playing games and reading books. I also have a heated blanket that is a life saver! My feet and hands get icy cold really easily, so without a heated blanket it would take forever to get to sleep at night. It’s perfect!
- 2. Candles – Soy candles, of course! Lighting a candle instantly makes the place feel warmer.
- 3. Hot chocolate – We’ve been drinking insane amounts of hot chocolate which is probably terrible for us but oh so good.
- 4. Watching movies at night – I don’t watch a lot of movies in the summer because the weather is warm! there’s so much to see! there’s so much to do! But in the winter time, I tend to want to snuggle with a blanket and watch a good movie from the rental store or watch some PBS.
- 5. Baking! – Recently I made macarons, which are terrible for you but completely perfect. I recommend you make some immediately for your health and safety. There’s no better way to make the kitchen (or your stomach!) warm than by baking some cookies.
- 6. Having cats on your lap – Some of you may not be so fortunate as to have two huge balls of cute, but having two cats, there’s always one that’s willing to climb up and take a nap. Cats make great heaters, especially when they’re asleep.
- 7. Tea or mulled cider – Nothing warmer (except maybe hot chocolate). We’ve been mulling cider and drinking tea like it’s nobody’s business.
- 8. Get off the computer and get under a blanket – Seriously, office chairs are cold!
How are you staying cozy this winter (or if you live in the Southern hemisphere, how are you staying cool)?
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