Long time no see! I’ve been basically The Busiest Ever. Endless summer days and nights of fully trying to enjoy my summer. We’ve been hanging out at the beach and the park and going on long walks basically nonstop. This is the perfect time of year for that kind of thing. It’s been super hot over the past couple of weeks, but that only adds to it, because it’s perfect beach weather (even if I’m still too chicken to get in our freezing north Atlantic water past my ankles…). Anyway, here are some photos from my phone!
Okay now the real reason that I’ve been so busy. I’ve been working and helping out my friend Judith Klausner create an art popup shop in Somerville called the Curiosity Shop! It’s REALLY excellent. I’ve been helping out with building/arranging/moving furniture, working in the shop on weekends, and just everything else that needs to be done. Seeing Judith achieve something so stunning and wonderful has been basically the best thing ever.
If you live in the Boston area, please come check it out! It’s REALLY amazing – part art gallery, part natural history museum, part antique store… It’s worth coming to at least dig around in the piles of treasure! And if you come on Saturdays or Sundays, chances are you’ll see me, come say hi!
I recently came across the art of Lucas Lasnier aka PARBO. His art is breathtakingly and vividly organic, his use of colors superb. I’m so inspired by his work, by the shapes, the bright colors, the softness, and the fact that he works in acrylic paint! Inspired by skateboard culture, heavy metal, and street art, Lucas paints surrealist images in both small and large scale, everything from package design to murals.
When I look at his work it reminds me of a beautiful dream. His work is a glimpse into a wonderful world full of skulls and splotches and nature, a candy-colored experience. Check it out here!
I’ve been dealing with impostor syndrome my entire life. From as far back as I can remember, I remember feeling terrified of failure, afraid that I wasn’t nearly as good at anything as people thought I was, and insecure in every single way. Impostor syndrome, for those of you who don’t know, is the belief that you’ve fooled everyone so far into thinking you’re as good as you are, but someday someone will find out you’re faking it and you’ll be outed as an impostor. Basically, the belief that you don’t belong, the belief that you can’t do something as well as everyone else.
My day job is a user experience designer, and I’ve been working in the tech industry my entire career. Impostor syndrome is particularly prevalent for women in tech, partly because it’s a high-achieving field, partly because it’s a highly skill-based field, and partly because there’s already the social feeling that women don’t belong. But honestly, it can happen anywhere at any time. I was paranoid in high school about being in advanced classes or doing anything outside my comfort zone!
I’m still struggling with it, but throughout the years I’ve managed to come up with some techniques. I’ve read a lot about impostor syndrome but none of it has really been THAT helpful. Usually articles recommend that you just “believe in yourself,” or “adopt a different mindset,” which isn’t helpful… at all. I mean, sheesh, if it were that easy, then people wouldn’t be so stressed about it! So I’ve compiled a list of things that has definitely helped me.
Push through it
Sometimes, ignoring your fears, buckling down, and just DOING THE WORK is the most helpful thing you can do. You’ve got a deadline, you can’t afford to be afraid. One of the best things that helped me get over myself and do the work was working at a career job, where we had real clients waiting for our work – my work! So I just couldn’t afford to spend any time wallowing.
It involves turning your focus from inwards to outwards. This is really hard sometimes, but as you do it, you’ll build up a list of accomplishments that you can look back on. You can even make a physical list – look at the things you accomplished. It helps so much to make lists of positive feedback you’ve been given, real accomplishments you’ve made, and times where you’ve pulled through despite setbacks. Focusing on the work itself, rather than your feelings, helps you to get things done and build up your confidence.
When I get overwhelmed, I pick out the tiniest thing I could possibly do… and then I do it. Starting small is advice that many therapists give to people with anxiety, and it works out really well for all kinds of situations (including procrastination). Need to mail out a package? Step one is just organizing what you need for the package – then you can take a break. Step two is getting your box addressed and getting everything inside and taping it shut. Step three is taking it to the post office!
With impostor syndrome, it’s easy to not be able to start because you’re gripped by fear and you feel like everything has to be perfect or else it isn’t worth doing. Doing small things one thing at a time helps you move through your list, so your feeling of accomplishment can overtake your fears.
Help others and forgive the mistakes of others
This is a huge one. Huge. If you’re terrified that everyone thinks you’re doing a bad job, or if you’re terrified that you’re going to be found out as a fraud, but then you treat everyone else’s mistakes with disdain, you’re doing it absolutely wrong. People will treat you the way you treat them, so if you help them through their mistakes, they’ll forgive and forget yours, too.
I used to get horribly defensive anytime I would make a mistake at work. It felt like the end of the world. I’d lash out and make up excuses for why something wasn’t perfect. Honestly, I was probably awful to deal with! But I started making an extra effort to not just tolerate the mistakes of others, but instead helping them to EMBRACE their mistakes, and even encourage mistakes! It’s much easier and more effective, I think, to focus outward on helping out other people and being kind to them, than it is to try to feel more confident and better about yourself all on your own in a vacuum. Helping out other people will make you feel valued, which then will make you feel good. Helping other people work through their mistakes helps me to practice being kinder to myself about my mistakes.
Ultimately, impostor syndrome is placing undue emphasis on looking inward instead of living outward. You’re basically expecting yourself to be better than everyone else, more perfect than any other person. If you look at it in a certain light, that’s pretty egotistical, actually. It’s placing so much thought and emphasis on yourself and your ego. Better to acknowledge yourself as a human being, one who succeeds and fails, just like every other human being.
So, when people give you a compliment or a critique, say thank you. When you are successful, remember to thank everyone who made it happen. When you make mistakes, rely on those who love you. And always be humble while doing it – don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Impostor syndrome comes back to me often, but it’s getting easier with every year I practice. I’m slowly gaining confidence in myself and my abilities, and making lots of friends and connections along the way. I’ve come so far in my thought patterns, and I wanted to share a bit about it in the hopes that it will help someone else.
I thought it would be fun to do one of those day in the life photoshoots! Last Sunday I took some photos as I went about my day. This definitely isn’t a typical DAY for me, but it is a typical SUNDAY, if that makes sense. During the weekdays I go to my day job from 9-5, but this is a pretty typical weekend for me.
Anyway! I woke up at about 7:30 and immediately made coffee.
And then got to work! I’m working on a new painting. I’m a little embarrassed to show it when it’s still “in progress” but whatever, good to get out of one’s comfort zone!
LOTS more to do. I’m really excited about it, but also really intimidated! Anyway, I worked until about noon, while listening to my trusty radio. I LOVE the radio. It’s much better on weekdays than weekends, but it’s still pretty good on weekends. I tuned into 92.9 FM, “90s til today”! Felt good to indulge in some nostalgia! I like the radio while I work because it doesn’t engage me too much that I’m distracted, but still enough that I can get into that creative zone.
After that, I packed Rob lunch. He works at a rehabilitation hospital that’s a short walk away. Obviously I don’t always take him lunch, but it was a beautiful day for a walk. It was also freaking hot outside – I was drenched in sweat the whole way. Summer here is BEAUTIFUL. Seriously, gorgeous.
I always feel super self-conscious taking photos while I walk around. How do other people do it? There’s ALWAYS other people around looking at me like I’m a crazy lady!
Anyway Rob enjoyed the lunch I brought him very much. It was just leftover momos and samosas from our local Indian momo place!
Finally, I headed home and settled down to playing some video games – Xenoblade Chronicles. I FINALLY finished it (120 hours total, 4 YEARS since I started, yikes).
And that’s it! Not much to report for the rest of the day – I read some books, played some games, Rob got home and we made dinner, which was vegan shatshouka – yummmm. It was delicious! All in all, a very wonderful Sunday, and very productive for my art, too! Though I’ve been doing a fair amount of painting, I REALLY want to get back into sketching/drawing. Painting is really great, but you also need to improve your drawing skills too!
I feel really stupid writing about a product you can’t easily get in the States or online… but my local knick-knack store happens to carry the La Typographe lead holder and I wanted to talk about it, because the price is right and it’s so beautiful and well-made.
Rob and I each bought one – I bought the white, and Rob bought the orange. We were so excited we couldn’t even wait until we got home to open them (local people: you can find these in Black Ink in Harvard).
The lead that it came with is pretty standard, nice and soft (but not too soft!). I was able to shade with the point pretty easily, which is really nice. I also did a quick sketch with it, and it was nice (good thing, too, because I lost my mechanical pencil that I use for undersketches…). I prefer to do undersketches with blue lead, but luckily the La Typographe pencils take standard 2mm lead, so I can buy lead refills online or maybe even at Blick.
Okay but the best part is…
I know that doesn’t look exciting, but it is. It’s the top of the pencil, which screws off to reveal a mini sharpener! So you don’t have to buy a separate, fancy lead sharpener – you can just manually twist the tongs around the lead and it’ll sharpen for you!
Also the lead holder is around $10, which is on the cheaper end of lead holders. Given that it has the built-in sharpener and takes standard lead and is also far cuter than most brands of lead holder out there, I’m really happy with my purchase. It’s going to replace the mechanical pencil (that I can’t find anywhere now… hm) that I usually use. It’ll be nicer to get the benefits of a real wood pencil while ALSO getting the refills and durability of a mechanical pencil.
Anyway I can’t believe I have to say this, but this is definitely not a sponsored post (please, I don’t have enough readers for that!). I’m just super happy with this pencil!